Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
