If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
