listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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