Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
