He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
