Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
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there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
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Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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