just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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