Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Well I just put wine in my tea
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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