evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
