I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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