Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I have already put on my inside pants.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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