how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
