He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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