I think im going to throw up on grandma
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
