You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
it glows. i had to have it.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Randomize
