OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
