She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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