I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
