why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
