Me too!
Only a mothe r could love this liver
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
