he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
