Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
