never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
