she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
