theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
