toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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