it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
