im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
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He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
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Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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