Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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