I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
