my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
