after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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