my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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