R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
