the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
