My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
