Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
