Apparently you make a good broom.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i think i have two assholes
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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