I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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