I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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