sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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