Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
