tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
