ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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