Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
