actually, I'm a sock model
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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