btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
