JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
