White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
