he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
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Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
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Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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