ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
