So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
