oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
