trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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