We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The best revenge is premature balding
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
