Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
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And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
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i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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