I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
