I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Found the puke drawer
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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