Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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