how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
