About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I am available for nakedness
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
