I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
