The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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