I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
