Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
