I swear she didn't look like that last week.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
