first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
