you turned your livingroom into a bong?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
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he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
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We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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