What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
