Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
