Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize