Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
