We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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