there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
