i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
